I saw this in a Facebook post and decided to give it a read. The original piece I was directed to is here and it’s titled “If a man wants you” by Salma Rumman. I agree with most of the points the author makes. Read the original piece to see what I mean. But some points struck me as over-protective or even detrimental to achieving the best relationship possible.
The original author’s comments are left justified and my addition/revision thoughts are indented. These are my opinions. I’m sure you’ll have yours. No one person is the definitive guide to love and relationships.
I obviously felt strongly enough about mine to write about them and put them here on my blog. Relationships are crucial to overall happiness. Moving toward happiness is crucial for anyone in their journey to better health, a better body, weight loss and more.
Also, I want to say this. I don’t see this message as one just about men for women. So if I say “If you don’t trust the MAN in your life …” it can and should be read by men with the opposite gender applied. I kept some of my revisions gender specific because the original article was directed specifically TO women about their relationship with men.
If a Man Wants You
Original By: Salma Rumman
Edits By: David Greenwalt
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
If you don’t trust “the” man in your life with everything whatever time you do spend with him won’t be all it could be. If you can’t trust your man with everything the relationship is on shaky ground. Sharing everything will take time enough to trust and this will be different for everyone. But the goal should be to grow in the relationship and trust enough to want to share everything and feel good that you are.
Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Your man is not God. “Making” him feel he is more important than is not a good or healthy goal. However, knowing, desiring and acting upon the knowledge and desire to speak his love languages with a frequency of bathing and washing will strengthen the relationship to the extent that you can control it. You are only half and will never have total control. Putting your significant other on a pedestal (man or woman) without putting yourself below them will take you a lot farther than putting your focus on NOT making him feel he is more important than you are.
Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him—he takes it for granted.
If a man is so possessive that he demands to know where you are at all times there’s a problem. There will be times, organically occurring, when your man won’t know where you are exactly or what you’re doing. There should be enough trust between you that this isn’t a problem and most times not even a worrisome thought. When these times occur, with either you or your man, giving the other the benefit of the doubt is the best strategy to lead with. For man or woman, in strong relationships, when times naturally occur that the other is simply not available as is ordinary in the relationship, you will miss each other. This is very different than playing a game to attempt to evoke the missing feeling.
Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.
Be grateful for the small things. Take notice of them. Express gratitude proactively. Continue to define what you need versus any potential for expectations that aren’t healthy and reasonable for any human to provide.